Rules of Better Relationships with People

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

  1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
  2. The big secret of dealing with people: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six Ways to Make People Like You

  1. Do this and you’ll be welcome anywhere: Become genuinely interested in other people.
  2. A simple way to make a good first impression: Smile.
  3. If you don’t do this, you are headed for trouble: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  4. An easy way to become a good conversationalist: Be agood listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  5. How to interest people: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
  6. How to make people like you instantly: Make the other person feel important — and do it sincerely.

How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

  1. You can’t win an argument: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
  2. A sure way of making enemies — and how to avoid it: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong”.
  3. If you’re wrong, admit it: If you are wrong, adimit it quickly and emphatically.
  4. Begin in a friendly way.
  5. The secret of Socrates: Give the other person saying,” yes, yes” immediately.
  6. The safety valve in handling complaints: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
  7. How to get cooperation: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
  8. A formula that will work wonders for you: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
  9. What everybody wants: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
  10. An appeal that everybody likes: Appeal to the nobler motives.
  11. Dramatize your ideas.
  12. When nothing else works, try this: Throw down a challenge.

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

  1. If you must find fault, this is the way to begin: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
  2. How to criticize and not be hated for it: Call attention to people’s mistakes indrectly.
  3. Talk about your own mistake first: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
  4. No one likes to take orders: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
  5. Let the other person save face.
  6. How to spur people on to success: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise”.
  7. Give a dog good name: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
  8. Make the fault seem easy to correct: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
  9. Making people glad to do what you want: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

This is my notes from the book “How To Make Friends And Influence People” by Dale Carnegie.

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